Sunday, December 13, 2015

The Stalking Black Cloud

It's been three weeks since my last post. I never intended to take such a long hiatus. I figured I'd write about getaway day, Thanksgiving, Black Friday and/or Jake-sitting.

Instead, I was too busy, too pre-occupied, ultimately too depressed. I don't want to list all the bad things, all the things that have gone wrong for me. I'll  focus on two things.

The first is Spike. We've been managing the tumor on his heart for a year.  But now the tumor's growing. Spike has nodules on his liver and a diseased gall bladder. He sleeps most of the day and hardly walks. He's become a finicky eater. The vet says he could have another two days, two weeks or two years. With all his health problems, the two years seems like a dream. He's on six different meds.We're very worried about him: glad that he's not in any kind of pain, but sad to see how tough daily activities are for him.

Here's the second bad thing. Last week I was leaving for a tutoring appointment. As I put on my raincoat, my wedding ring caught on something, hard enough to hurt my finger. When I looked at my left hand, the diamond from my engagement ring was gone. I only had a few minutes to search that day. I was literally heading out the door--no luck. Later searches also proved fruitless. I moved my hand across the surface of the rug, swept the hardwood with a tiny broom and pan, shined a flashlight in the dark to try to get a glint of diamond.

I began to feel that I was living under a black cloud. Later I wondered if the black cloud was actively stalking me. Things felt that bad.

Things are less bleak now. But the black cloud is hovering.

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