On Dad, Greg, Bill and Elaine

Today is my father's birthday--he would have been 93. His death came as a shock to me, although I knew he was in bad health. Part of me was relieved because it was hard for me to be here in Connecticut while he was in Florida. One time I called the hospital after he was admitted with a knee injury. A nurse asked if I was going to pick him up. I told her I wouldn't do much good up in Connecticut with a cast on my leg. When I visited him after that, we were cane twins, hobbling around together.

I mostly miss Dad to reflect on shared memories of trips, hear family stories and share music. Jeff and I had planned to spend Christmas with him the year he died--in April. I regret we never made that trip.

Just about a month ago, my cousin Greg died. Greg was my second cousin--I still think of him as the boy on a family vacation to Disney World that my sister organized. I think he was about seven. He was 39 when he died, with a wife and two children. I don't think I've seen Greg since 2011.

That may have been the last time I saw any of my cousins. Greg's death has me thinking more about this. I'd like to see them. Several live within a reasonable driving distance (about three hours.) But I know realistically that I'm not suddenly going to go visiting everyone. One cousin wants to come here to visit, but not in winter. So I guess we can only agree to try to see each other.

Next, I'm thinking about my friends. I know several people I call friends who don't live nearby. But how can I think of making plans to see them when I don't see the friends who are close?

Our friend Bill died in April. I hadn't seen him often, but did visit him a few times in a rehabilitation complex before he died. Even that didn't inspire me to spend more time with other friends.

Last week I discovered that Elaine is in intensive care after brain surgery. Elaine was my first real friend in Connecticut. We were roommates for a few years too. Recently we drifted apart. It was no-one's fault: just one of those things.

Again, wasted opportunities and regrets.