Unwanted Touching

I was surprised when I refreshed my computer the other day and read that Andrew Cuomo resigned as Governor of New York. Just a few hours earlier, I read that he was determined to fight the charges. Then I saw his attorney at a press briefing while I was at the gym.  She (of course, it was a she) was talking about the problems with the Attorney General's report: it had errors, the investigators didn't interview enough people, the investigators acted as prosecutors, judge and jury of Cuomo.

Regardless of the merits of the lawyer's arguments, the strategy was more effective than Cuomo's first attempt. It was a video of Cuomo hugging and kissing people. Its message seemed to be: I hug and kiss everyone, deal with it. 

About 15 years ago, Jeff, Spike, and I were on a patio at a Stamford bar for some kind of dog-related fundraising event when two local politicians stopped by. We chatted for a few minutes and told them we were from Norwalk and couldn't vote for them. One, a well-known local figure, put his hand on my shoulder for a minute. It wasn't sexual in any way; it was just weird and inappropriate. I know there is a tradition of glad handing in politics, but it's not necessarily the literal laying of the hands.  

George HW Bush was known to grope women when posing for photos. I previously thought this was only in his later years (he called himself David Cop-a-feel) but here's a description of an incident from 2003. I heard photo ops gropes were also part of Cuomo's MO. It's an easy way to keep well-mannered women and girls in line. Do they want to draw attention to themselves and ruin the photo? Do they really want to rock the boat over someone touching their butts?

Cuomo recently explained that he didn't think he had ever crossed the line but the line had been redrawn. That's bullshit. People--mostly women--are just a bit more willing to step up and say what happened to them and what's unacceptable. 

Here's one more personal story. About 25 years ago, I was in the copy room at the office. One of the admin assistants--Janet who is black--came into the room. Janet had some kind of scarf in her hair--and I cringe to write this--I said, "oh what's this?" and reached up to touch it. She shrunk away from me, a fake smile frozen on her face. Janet was clearly uncomfortable. I knew I had fucked up even though I didn't really understand why. I felt like an asshole and quickly left the room. 

Now, it doesn't matter that I didn't understand the issues concerning black women and hair and that I didn't mean to make Janet uncomfortable. What matters is the result. I never tried to touch anyone's hair again. Janet, I'm sorry and I'm sorry that my apology is 25 years after the fact. 

So Andrew Cuomo, Joe Biden, etc.: Just stop touching people. It's not that hard. Here's an assist from Jezebel.