Connecticut and Back Again

We left here last Sunday morning--later than I preferred. The  main reason for the trip was to attend a memorial service for Jeff's sister Melissa. 

We decided to stay in Norwalk for two days and meet up with some friends for lunch and dinner. We had to stop at our favorite Asian Fusion restaurant. We had an early birthday dinner for our friend Cynthia there. It was delicious.

The next day we stopped by our old condominium and ran a few errands before lunch with friends Elaine and Marti. Monday night was dinner with our friend and ex-neighbor Diane.

The next morning I visited the birds at the New Canaan Nature Center: Phoenix, Archie, Tupelo, and Gus. I even asked Gus if he remembered me.

There was a fifth bird I didn't recognize. I couldn't get a picture--he seemed to be hiding in the dark. I figured he was a new arrival and was uncomfortable.  

Next, we picked up some Bridgewater Chocolate and our favorite bison grass vodka. It's hard to find in Maryland; when I can find it, it's about $10 more than in Connecticut. 

Wednesday was Melissa's memorial service. It was tough. She had said no one would come to her funeral. There were at least 50 people there. After the service, we had some of Melissa's favorite food and drink in the fellowship hall: Caesar salad, shrimp cocktail, cheeses, fruits, and  Mimosas. Our nephew's in-laws hosted us for dinner. 

We drove home Thursday--a good drive despite a crazy detour courtesy of Goggle maps. It was good to see Jace and return home. 

A Busy Week

In addition to Jeff's three therapy sessions, we both had eye exams, a financial meeting, and Jace had minor surgery and a teeth cleaning. We also ordered a new rug for our balcony. 

Our brother-in-law is coming to have dinner with us and stay overnight. Then we're all headed for Connecticut for a memorial service for Jeff's sister Melissa. It will be nice to see Jeff's family. But as everybody says, it's a shame it takes a funeral to bring us all together. 

While we are in Connecticut, we're going to meet friends for lunch and dinner. During our last visit, it was freezing with snow piles everywhere. This will be quite an improvement.

Could this be our last visit to Connecticut? 

Closing Out May

This month just flew by. We've been grieving Jeff's sister Melissa (who died in April and will have a service in Connecticut in June.) We had our first guests--my brother and his girlfriend came for a long weekend. We got some more furniture. We celebrated Jace's and my birthday. 

We're trying to decide about our wills and health care powers of attorney. I know that this is something we should have dealt with years ago, but we didn't. Now that we're older, it's real. Hey, Melissa would have made a great executor. We don't have kids, the logical choice as executors. On the other hand, we don't have to worry about providing for our kids either. 

This post has taken a dark tone. But, we're dealing with a lot of heavy things. And. I just had a birthday. I'm at the age when you have to start thinking about how much time you have left.

I need to work on my book. 

Closing Out April

It seems like just the other day that I wrote a post closing out March. And here we are. 

This year I'm going to agree with  TS Eliot. Jeff's sister Melissa died on the 15th.Cancer. I'm so glad we got to see her in March. We spent more time with her than we expected so that was a bonus. 

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The weather has been crazy: 90s to 50s to freeze warnings. Parts of the country are still experiencing heavy snowstorms. We've broken the climate. 

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On a more positive note, Jeff, Jace and I returned to Bowley's after Jace's vet appointment. We had drinks and listened to a two-man band. It was relaxing and fun, and we plan to go back. 

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Hoping to get organized and get some of those little annoying things done this weekend. 

It's Been A Week

The first full week of the year was a mixed bag: a doctor's appointment, a family funeral, and the normal errands and chores. Oh, and we sold our Norwalk condo! I have regrets about how I handled things, but I'm not going to worry about that now. We expect to close on the 30th. 

A few weeks ago I went to New Jersey for a celebration of life for my cousin's husband. This week I went back to New Jersey for my cousin Barbara's funeral. That's not the kind of routine I want to continue.

Barbara died on December 22, the same date that Spike died ten years ago. I was planning to call her before Christmas. I'm glad we spoke a few months ago and that I saw her a few summers ago.. 

Barbara was 13 years older than me so I didn't spend a lot of time with her growing up. I did take some fun trips to visit her in Cocoa Beach, Florida and San Francisco with her parents and my cousin Cindy. Later, Barbara became the matriarch of our family often hosting family reunions. I will miss her.

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I've been exercising almost every day--doing a half-hour of yoga, stretches, and light weight work. I feel stronger already. Walks are good, but not enough. Plus, Jace and I don't walk as far in the cold as we do in the warm weather. 

I've been doing more journaling. This morning I woke up with a sentence in my head about Sylvanus Merwin. After I walked Jace, I sat down at the laptop and wrote 125 words  about the Merwinsville Hotel. A drop in the bucket, but it made me feel good. You have to start somewhere.

RIP Ralph

This is Ralph a turkey vulture from New Canaan Nature Center (NCNC). She died last Thursday at the age of 21. She arrived at NCNC in 2004 when she wasn't even a year old after suffering a partial left- wing amputation.

Ralph always seemed to be hungry and was usually knocking at the door when I or other volunteers went to feed her. She was very feisty. I can't count all the times she nipped at my shoelaces or pants cuffs.

About two years ago, I was assigned to write a story for a fiction class from the point of view of an animal. I chose Ralph as my narrator. 

I'm feeling guilty that the last time I saw Ralph, I called her a bitch. 

Today was my day to volunteer at the Nature Center. It was weird to see Ralph's aviary empty.

RIP Ralph.

To Spike

As I was writing my Festivus post, I realized that yesterday was the ninth anniversary of Spike's death, and I didn't think of it yesterday.

I feel guilty about that. On the other hand, it's more important to remember Spike's life than his death. It's not like we forgot about him. 

We will always love and miss him. 

Thursday Thoughts

Last Friday, we switched our Internet and TV providers. It was more complicated than the salespeople described. We had to move some furniture to allow for wiring (the salespeople said the tech only had to program the system.) Luckily, we had a great tech who helped me move furniture and disconnected the cable equipment. Jeff and I have a learning curve with the TV, but we'll save a lot of money. It's well worth it. 

On Saturday, I returned to the Merwinsville Hotel with Cynthia for their fall art show and sale. I only bought a few cards, though I was tempted by other things. I was happy to see the restored third floor ballroom and hope it will bring some writing inspiration.

This week's been busy. I feel like I've running the whole time. Jeff and I each had a doctor's appointment. I returned equipment to Cablevision, took a broken speaker and DVD player to be recycled, got quarters from the bank, went shopping for food, dogfood, beer and wine, socks, and a picture frame. Also, I cared for the birds. 

Yesterday was the exception: I was chilled and exhausted. I stayed home and concentrated on working through emails I've neglected and managed to sort the laundry. Back to running around today.

My father has been on my mind a lot lately. Today is his birthday; he would have been 100. Hard to believe that he's been gone for 14 years. 

I haven't made it to the gym since Sunday (which completed another three-visit week.) I'll see how I feel tomorrow. If all goes well, I can still make three visits this week. 

On Saturday, we're visiting a friend for her dog's birthday party. We haven't seen her for several months, and I'm really looking forward to that. 

With the exception of Game 2, the Mets have looked horrible in the LCS against the Dodgers. Just one example: tonight the Mets had the bases loaded and nobody out in the 6th inning and didn't score. They ended up losing 2-10. The Dodgers need only one more win to advance to the World Series. Unfortunately, they have no reason to think they won't close out the series tomorrow. 

Is there any Mets magic left?

I'm Back

I haven't posted in over a week--and my last post was a short one. Before that, it had been 10 days. One week I was feeling chilled and lethargic (but no fever.). Later it was just lethargic. For one week, I only left the apartment to walk Jace. I didn't drive anywhere. I can't explain it--I felt like a slug. 

I've still managed to take Jace to Cove Island Park a few times recently. As of Wednesday, Stamford requires a permit to park there, so Jace and I won't return until October. Yesterday was probably the best day of the year. Jeff, Jace, and I ate lunch at Overton's before we drove to Cove Island.

My brother Jim, Jeff, Jace, and I made a quick trip to the Jersey Shore last weekend. The main reason was to scatter my mother's ashes. My mother died in early 2019. She had wanted to be cremated and talked about having her ashes taken to Venice (where my sister's ashes are.) Well, we haven't made it to Venice and don't know if/when we will. So we decided to take her to Ocean City, New Jersey. She had always enjoyed going there; she and my stepfather spent their honeymoon there. It sure beats my closet where the ashes have been for the last five years. (I did save some of her and my stepfather's ashes in case one of us makes it to Venice.)

We also visited with some cousins. We stopped at our cousin Barbara's place in Ortley Beach for a few hours. We met another cousin Elena, her husband Tom, and their golden retriever Franklin in Ocean City. We later spent the night at their place in Sea Isle City. We haven't seen them since my mother's memorial service and had a great visit. 

I hope to do more visiting in the next several months.

Remembering Lola

Two years ago today, we said goodbye to Lola. We miss her. 

It breaks my heart to think about her life before she joined Jeff and me at around age 5. She had clearly been abused but knew only love with us. Okay, full disclosure: I once smacked her with a manilla file folder. She had been peacefully sleeping while I wrapped Christmas presents. Suddenly she got up and started chewing my wrapping paper. Chewing miscellaneous things was her biggest fault. 

Here are some photos of our sweet girl. 

We love you, Lola.

Remembering Lola

Today is the one year anniversary of the day we lost Lola. It seems so long ago. 

We adopted Lola from DAWS (Danbury Animal Welfare Society) in 2016. She was timid and fearful, hiding under our table. Lola grew more confident and outgoing, but she never fully lost her fear and anxiety. 

We don't know much about Lola's early life in Kentucky, but she had clearly been abused. For the six years she lived with us, Lola knew love, care, and fun.

We love you and miss you. Thank you Lola for spending six years with us. 

What Would Have Been

Today would have been our sixth anniversary with Lola. Unfortunately, her kidneys gave out almost two weeks ago. 

We are still adjusting to a life without Lola. We look for her; we think we hear her; we miss her--especially on a nice sunny day like today.

Here's a photo from six  years ago:

Here are two photos from last Sunday: she was smiling to the end. 

Lola is so special she shares her anniversary with Earth Day and National Beagle Day.

A Week Without Lola

I had thought that handling Lola's death would be a little easier because we've been through it before with Spike. 

I was wrong. 

I feel like I've been sleepwalking through the week, except last Tuesday when I had three appointments. The last was to pick up Lola's cremains. It was a beautiful day and Jeff and I went to Ripka's at Calf Pasture. We had margaritas and watched the water, the sea birds, and kids on the swings and slide. 

Each day I told myself I'd go to the gym the next day, but I wasn't up for it. Instead, I exercised here a few times and took two walks.

I resented the beautiful weather last week. It was unfair that it was so cold on the last two full days of Lola's life. Last Saturday, the sun went in and the winds blew as soon as we arrived at Taylor Farm. On Sunday, we sat outside on a friends' deck. (I didn't want Lola to have any accidents inside their house.) We would have really enjoyed some warm weather. 

We're putting together things to donate to DAWS: food, infusion fluids, and her dog bed (I took it to the laundromat today.)

It will take a while to move on. 

Grieving

The first thing Jeff said to me this morning was, "She's not here." 

"I know," I said. What could I say? The first thing we've done each morning for the past month was to look at Lola's bed, see if she were awake, and see if she looked okay.

Even though she's gone (I actually sang a bit of this song)  I feel her presence everywhere. I moved a few things--her leash and collar, her bowls--out of sight out of mind--at least for the moment. At least, I don't have to see all of her things.  But of course, she is everywhere.

We love you Lola.

We miss you Lola. 

Goodbye Lola

When I wrote about Lola recently, I expected to have a lot more time with her. Instead, we put her to sleep today. Our vet came to our place, which was great because Lola was terrified to go to the vet. The procedure was quick, quiet, and peaceful.

April 22nd would have been our sixth anniversary with Lola. I wish she could have stayed to celebrate with us and also her designated birthday of May 5th. 

It was the right time. Last week our walks got shorter--both in time and distance. Then Lola deteriorated badly from Friday to Saturday. She last ate on Friday except for a small bite of a hot dog yesterday. She would have suffered more each day.

We got together with some dog park friends yesterday to say goodbye. I can't explain how wonderful that was.  

We're in a tough transition to a life without Lola. We miss her. 

Honoring Spike

We said goodbye to Spike six years ago today and still miss him. He came to live with us in March 2002 when he was just over a year old. We introduced him to meat; I still remember how he sniffed at our broiler when he first moved in. 

Spike was a wonderful dog, companion, friend, and family member. 

Thanksgiving Eve

I spend most Thanksgiving Eves being thankful that I am not traveling. I don't remember the last time we had to drive more than an hour on Thanksgiving Day. 

We are having another easy Thanksgiving getting turkey, stuffing, cranberry orange sauce, and fingerling potatoes from Whole Foods. I'm heating up soup and rolls. I was going to make a pumpkin apple soup, but found some pumpkin, butternut squash, and apple soup in the freezer. I cleaned today, so all I have to do set the table, make the salad and heat the food. My brother is bringing wine and dessert--apparently too much dessert--from what he said. 

A neighbor lost her mother just a few days ago. This will be a tough holiday for her. I hope she can keep it together.

Insurrection in the Capitol

I was at Oyster Shell Park with Lola when it started. I heard the news on the drive home. Then I watched CNN for several hours. Watching rampaging terrorists invade the Capitol was horrific and surreal. These so-called patriots smashed windows, vandalized offices, and stole at least one laptop from Senator Jeff Merkley. Here are some images. Luckily they didn't destroy any artwork in the Rotunda. Pipe bombs and a suspicious vehicle were also found in the southeast corner of the Capitol.

Equally horrific was the response of the Capitol police. I wish I could say it was just incompetence--gross incompetence based on all of Trump's tweets inviting supporters to march to the Capitol to pressure Republicans to reject election results of Biden's win. As far back as December 19th, a tweet ended: "Big protest in D.C. on January 6th. Be there, will be wild."

It was worse than that. It's reported that police officers opened doors and gates for the rioters and posed for selfies with them. Obviously they did not treat this threat as they did potential Black Lives Matter protests.

In 1963 after the assassination of President John Kennedy, Malcom X famously said it was a a case of "chickens coming home to roost." Wednesday's riot with its ensuing injuries and deaths is another case of chickens coming home to roost. Even before Trump, Republicans have used fear mongering, racism, and hate as a key part of its message. Trump just inflamed and incited the mob to violence. 

This cannot stand. 

Welcome 2021!

Ten years ago, I posted the link to this song. My father died in 2010. My nephews sued the estate. It was a stressful time. 

It was nothing compared to 2020. In some ways I'm in a better place now than I was then. The rest of the world is not. 

The entire year has been overshadowed by Covid-19. I wish all the trauma could be gone with the turn of calendar page, but that's not possible. Today the US surpassed 20 million recorded Covid-19 cases. The nation has also set a Covid hospitalization rate for the fourth straight day. January will be tough especially with all the people who have insisted on traveling over the holidays (even members of our family.) 

Yet I can't help but feel hopeful for 2021.There are Covid vaccines, even though it will take several months for us all to be vaccinated. 

We can hold on. We have to. 

RIP Barbara Grafflin Cooper

My mother-in-law died this evening. She was in hospice care and had told us she didn't want to get well, but death is never easy even when you expect it. 

I've gone through something similar with my mother. Two days before she died, she told me "I want to go." My mother Miriam and Barbara were both widowed, in their nineties, and tired of being tired. Barbara had the added burden of dying in the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic, when family visits were difficult if not outright prohibited. Jeff and I hadn't seen her since last Christmas. 

I always said that I lucked out with Barbara as my mother-in-law. She accepted and welcomed me to the family, when others may have paused because I am seven years older than Jeff. Yes, there were times I found her annoying. I didn't always like how she treated Jeff--he was always her baby. We disagreed on pretty much everything politically. In one of our last conversations, she lamented that Joe Biden was being manipulated to appoint a diverse cabinet, but apologized because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. 

Barbara was thoughtful, loving, and caring. Every time I walk into our condo, I see the Raoul Dufy print she and Jim (my father-in-law) bought for us. I like to think that one reason they selected this print is because Barbara always remembered my love of calla lilies.

Barbara is the last of Jeff's and my parents to go. Her children, Jeff, Melissa, and Thea believe she held on because she didn't want to leave them on Christmas: her last thoughtful act.