Closing Out May

This month just flew by. We've been grieving Jeff's sister Melissa (who died in April and will have a service in Connecticut in June.) We had our first guests--my brother and his girlfriend came for a long weekend. We got some more furniture. We celebrated Jace's and my birthday. 

We're trying to decide about our wills and health care powers of attorney. I know that this is something we should have dealt with years ago, but we didn't. Now that we're older, it's real. Hey, Melissa would have made a great executor. We don't have kids, the logical choice as executors. On the other hand, we don't have to worry about providing for our kids either. 

This post has taken a dark tone. But, we're dealing with a lot of heavy things. And. I just had a birthday. I'm at the age when you have to start thinking about how much time you have left.

I need to work on my book. 

Happy Birthday and Blogoversary

Yesterday was my birthday--Jace's too. Today is my 16th anniversary posting here. Jeff and I are in the process of getting a financial plan including wills and health care power of attorney. And, of course, Jeff's sister died in April. So, I'm thinking a lot about time, i.e. the time that I have left. 

I want to use some time to revisit my Merwinsville book. Over the last few days, I read about the Merwin and Gaylord families and double checked some dates. For a few minutes I wondered if I was wrong about Sylvanus Merwin and Peter Gaylord being half brothers. Luckily, I was right. 

I was surprised to see I hadn't written or edited anything in over a year. (Although I believe I journaled about Merwinsville a few times.) I'm trying to get into that head set and think about the people. I need to develop the rivalry between the half brothers and add details. I'll probably lose the original scenes between Syl and Flora. Beef up the conflict. Figure out the ending.

It's Been A Week

The first full week of the year was a mixed bag: a doctor's appointment, a family funeral, and the normal errands and chores. Oh, and we sold our Norwalk condo! I have regrets about how I handled things, but I'm not going to worry about that now. We expect to close on the 30th. 

A few weeks ago I went to New Jersey for a celebration of life for my cousin's husband. This week I went back to New Jersey for my cousin Barbara's funeral. That's not the kind of routine I want to continue.

Barbara died on December 22, the same date that Spike died ten years ago. I was planning to call her before Christmas. I'm glad we spoke a few months ago and that I saw her a few summers ago.. 

Barbara was 13 years older than me so I didn't spend a lot of time with her growing up. I did take some fun trips to visit her in Cocoa Beach, Florida and San Francisco with her parents and my cousin Cindy. Later, Barbara became the matriarch of our family often hosting family reunions. I will miss her.

***

I've been exercising almost every day--doing a half-hour of yoga, stretches, and light weight work. I feel stronger already. Walks are good, but not enough. Plus, Jace and I don't walk as far in the cold as we do in the warm weather. 

I've been doing more journaling. This morning I woke up with a sentence in my head about Sylvanus Merwin. After I walked Jace, I sat down at the laptop and wrote 125 words  about the Merwinsville Hotel. A drop in the bucket, but it made me feel good. You have to start somewhere.

Update

Once again, I've neglected this blog for too long. I wish I understood why.

We've been back from Delaware and Maryland for a week. We finally had a little luck. We found two places that we liked. We've been doing research since then, trying to get a better sense of both areas, considering what work we would want to do to the bathroom in one condo, etc. I've been going back and forth on which place I prefer. Our Baltimore realtor sent us listings of six other places. There's one that will work for us and I hope we can see it next week. I think we'll be returning Sunday or Monday.

We finally caught up with a friend we hadn't seen in months. We talked, listened to music, ate some munchies, and drank some wine. It was a relaxing afternoon.

I had volunteered to work at the Merwinsville Hotel last Sunday. Unfortunately, I had a bout of colitis and had to cancel. I ended up sleeping most of the afternoon. My sleeping patterns have been a mess lately. I'm waking up in the early mornings and having trouble falling asleep again. It's been frustrating, but I'll muddle through it.

Rails to Whistlestops

Tonight I attended a slide show presentation, Rails to Whistlestops about railroad stations in Southern Connecticut and what happened to them by Sue Del Bianco. Here's a flyer. 

Sue had a good selection of photographs and stories. She asked me to speak about Merwinsville. 

It was a horrible night to be out, bitterly cold. But at least it was still light as we were driving up to Bridgeport. That really helped. 

It was nice to get back to thinking about 19th century railroads and have a new contact with similar interests.

The Streak is Over

This is the third day since I worked on my Merwinsville book. My last few entries were tough--none of them hit 200 words. 

I'm not sure what to write next. I haven't decided where to end my story. The renovation of the hotel? That seems too easy. The spirit of Sylvanus lives on? I just don't know, right now. 

I do need to add things. I started a file called Additions, because I was getting distracted finding things and opening older documents to add things. I can do that at another time. 

I may need to rewrite the pieces I wrote last year. Well, technically I have to re-write or at least edit everything in the spirit of the shitty first draft (thank you Anne Lamott.)

Instead of working on Merwinsville, I wrote a few blogposts and journaled. 

It's not an impasse, just a temporary lull. 

Writing Update

I've been writing every day since January 2nd, working on my Merwin novel. I have not been writing 500 words in a half hour, but I've been writing. When I get up in  the morning, Jace gets up too, so I can give him breakfast. I wash up or shower, dress, and take him for a walk. When we return, I make a cup of coffee and sit down to write. At least, that's how it's supposed to work. I usually do sit down, but I don't always get around to writing. Sometimes I have morning appointments and didn't get up early enough. I easily get distracted. Sometimes I get hung up on a detail--did they drink coffee in Connecticut in the mid 19th century? Other times, the distractions are external. 

I've been able to write at night on the days when I didn't write or didn't write enough in the mornings. It's harder for me to write at night with even more distractions. 

Last night was the worst. I decided to return to a piece about Helen Merwin. I decided I didn't like the tone--it was too historical. I made the tone more personal and deleted several sentences. I only wrote 149 words last night--my weakest showing. I was really disappointed in myself. 

Today I went back to the same piece and reworked it again and added information about the telegraph and the Morse Code. Researching the Morse Code was my distraction today. I worked for about an hour including the distraction and wrote 203 new words. 

I need to get into bed earlier and get up earlier to write. Then I need to take time later in the day to research, re-read my notes, etc. I'd also like to make a list of characters. I need to continue to write daily and improve my practice. I'm on a roll. I've written over 11,000 words this January. 

Thursday Thoughts

Last Friday, we switched our Internet and TV providers. It was more complicated than the salespeople described. We had to move some furniture to allow for wiring (the salespeople said the tech only had to program the system.) Luckily, we had a great tech who helped me move furniture and disconnected the cable equipment. Jeff and I have a learning curve with the TV, but we'll save a lot of money. It's well worth it. 

On Saturday, I returned to the Merwinsville Hotel with Cynthia for their fall art show and sale. I only bought a few cards, though I was tempted by other things. I was happy to see the restored third floor ballroom and hope it will bring some writing inspiration.

This week's been busy. I feel like I've running the whole time. Jeff and I each had a doctor's appointment. I returned equipment to Cablevision, took a broken speaker and DVD player to be recycled, got quarters from the bank, went shopping for food, dogfood, beer and wine, socks, and a picture frame. Also, I cared for the birds. 

Yesterday was the exception: I was chilled and exhausted. I stayed home and concentrated on working through emails I've neglected and managed to sort the laundry. Back to running around today.

My father has been on my mind a lot lately. Today is his birthday; he would have been 100. Hard to believe that he's been gone for 14 years. 

I haven't made it to the gym since Sunday (which completed another three-visit week.) I'll see how I feel tomorrow. If all goes well, I can still make three visits this week. 

On Saturday, we're visiting a friend for her dog's birthday party. We haven't seen her for several months, and I'm really looking forward to that. 

With the exception of Game 2, the Mets have looked horrible in the LCS against the Dodgers. Just one example: tonight the Mets had the bases loaded and nobody out in the 6th inning and didn't score. They ended up losing 2-10. The Dodgers need only one more win to advance to the World Series. Unfortunately, they have no reason to think they won't close out the series tomorrow. 

Is there any Mets magic left?

Creative Block

I've been disappointed with myself over my lack of writing. I had recently started journaling more frequently. I hoped that would jump start some writing for me. 

On Sunday, I sat down in front of the computer to write about Sylvanus Merwin. I had started a new chapter about a month ago but couldn't open the file. I wasted at least an hour trying to figure out what to do. Finally, I gave up. The file was about 200-300 words, so it wasn't that great a loss. But since it had been a month, I had to go back to my notes and then pulled out two books to check a few things. Needless to say, I didn't get much written. But I can't let up.

It's not just the writing. Lately, I've been reviewing some copies of Art Journaling. Yet I can't seem to get myself to bring out my art materials. I'm too tired, or I don't know where to start, or it's too messy. You get the picture.

I just have to give myself permission to write and make art, and then do it. 

Seven Positive Things

I've been thinking about easily I let things ruin my mood, even my day. So, I want to focus on positive things for this post, starting with last week.

1.    Jeff and I had a nice Valentine's dinner. I mentioned the menu here: filet mignon, scalloped potatoes, shitake mushrooms, creamed spinach, romesco sauce, with a vodka gimlet cocktail, and Faithful Hound wine. For dessert we had chocolate and mango ice creams with raspberries. 

2.    I had a nice lunch with my friends Elaine and Marti last Thursday. 

3.    Before our lunch, I went to the Greenwich library to check a reference in a book relating to Merwinsville that I missed before. I also got our favorite crab cakes from this place and found our favorite vodka in the liquor store next door.

4.    Yesterday Jeff and I had lunch with my brother Jim and his girlfriend Liz. We haven't seen Jim since Christmas Eve. I'm not sure when we last saw Liz. We went to Sedona Tap House, which is one of our favorite places. We hadn't been there in a while either, so it was especially nice. 

5.    On my morning walk with Jace on Friday, I felt a whiff of spring. The day was overcast and rather bleak. Patches of snow lay on the grass and snow was piled in the corners of parking lots. But the whiff was enough to make me happy.

6    The Mets have won their first spring training game (after losing yesterday.) I'm not sure what to make of the Mets this season. I'm tired of them breaking my heart. 

7.    The new Shogun mini-series starts on Tuesday; I'm really looking forward to watching it. 

Full disclosure: I wanted to make a list of ten positive things, but seven is as far as I could get. I'll be on the lookout for more positive things.

The Christmas Shoppe at the Merwinsville Hotel

Cynthia and I drove up to Merwinsville on Friday, the opening day of its Christmas Shoppe--a kind of combination Christmas display and holiday sale. 

One room on the main level has a railroad running through a village as well as World's Fair miniatures of various amusement rides. A collection of Santas were in a corner of another room. The Nutcracker collection was on the second floor. 

Then there were all the things for sale: jewelry, pottery, glassware, dolls, knitted mittens and hats, scarves, ornaments, paintings, and plants. 

I only bought a few things this year. The first is a beagle ornament. Now we have several beagle ornaments already, but this was different. I also got a wooden gift tag that says "Merry Christmas." I thought this would look nice hanging on our door and for $3, why not? 

I have three Merwinsville wine glasses that are starting to lose their logos. I decided to get replacements. Each glass was $5, but I got four for $18. Sounds frugal to me. 

It's been a year since I've been to the hotel. It felt good to see it again

Halfway Through November

If I had been participating properly in NaNoWriMo, I woiuld have written about 26,000 words by now. Spoiler Alert: I wrote just over 1,000.  

With about a half month to go, it's too soon to label myself an abject failure, but I'm well on my way. 

I wrote about my fear of losing Nano: it's not a big deal. I'm going to keep writing. 

Besides my normal problem of not sticking to a writing schedule, the hour-long review of notes on Halloween night wasn't enough prep to get back into the Merwinville concept--I kept referring to notes, handouts, and the Internet. I actually stopped writing a scene to look up if people in Connecticut drank coffee in the 1830s. 

After I finished the first draft of the first chaper, I went back to add details. Later I moved material from Chapter One to Chapter Two. These are all things you're not supposed to do in Nano. The only way to get to 50,000 words in a month is to explicitly not edit anything. Save that for later. That is true of all writing.

Today I wrote a bit about Sylvanus seeing opportunities and then some background about railroad/transportation from 1800-1850. I called the file Pre-Chapter One. As I think about it, it's probably not in the best place, but I'm not going to worry about that now. 

I previously used my Ancestry.com membership to research Sylvanus Merwin's descendants but didn't get very far. I had wanted to cancel my membership because the monthly charges are too high. So I spent several hours of the last few days of access to do more research. I found an interesting connection that may be very important in my book. 

At least I'm learning in my failure.

Monday Morning Musings

After a lethargic week (maybe more) I feel as if I've finally accomplished something yesterday. I finished a book Tracks Across America  The Story of the American Railroad 1825-1900 by Leonard Everett Fisher. I've had it from the library since February. 

It doesn't even mention the Housatonic Railroad, but I found the chapter, "The First Railroads" relevant to Merwinsville. The last chapter was helpful for figuring the timeline of later railroad innovations and inventions.

The book is due at the library today. I had planned to finish the book over the weekend even before I realized that. I need to get back to more relevant research. 

I cleaned yesterday--the kitchen and the half bath.  It's sad that I have to note that here, but I've been in deep cleaning procrastination for a few weeks now. 

It was a beautiful weekend. Jace and I took several walks including a walk to Union Park where there was a celebration of sorts for the extension of the Norwalk River Valley Trail (NRVT.)

I went to the Westport Library book sale and bought five books.

1. Henry VIII and His Court by Neville Williams

    I read this book or at least parts of it in high school and based my term paper on Anne Boleyn

    largely on it.

2. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

    I mainly want to read this because Desmond Hall used it as an example in his seminar.

3. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

    I never read this classic and want to remedy that.

4. Votes for Women by Winifred Conkling

    A history of the Suffragist movement written for young readers--it should be a quick read.

5. bad cat by Jim Edgar

    This is a book of funny photos and captions. I picked it up for my brother.

Shockingly, we have no medical appointments this week--a good reason to accomplish more (writing, cleaning, exercising, etc.)  

It's Friday

I still think of Friday as the end of the week, even though it's really only the end of the traditional Monday through Friday work week. It was a weird week in many ways--a bit stressful with emotional ups and downs. It felt very busy although it wasn't. 

I took Jace on a hour plus walk this morning. I didn't intend to go so long, but turned on a street which dead-ended into a condominium complex. I ignored the No Trespassing sign and tried to cut through the condo to another street, but there was no way to do so. We didn't mind. It was a beautiful day--sunny in the mid-fifties--a welcome change to the last few days of cold mornings in the forties. The dead end and connecting streets had much less traffic than the streets we usually walk. It was soothing to only hear birdsong (and the occasional lawn mower) instead of traffic sounds.

Jeff and I went to the gym--this was my third consecutive week of four visits to the gym. I am feeling good about finally getting into that routine.

In contrast, my writing routine is--well, I have no writing routine. On Monday, I renewed a book from the library on American railroads and wrote a little background for my Merwinsville project. I scribbled a poem on Tuesday. National Poetry Month is coming to and end, I had hoped to write more. 

There's a little time left in the week and the month. Let's see what I can do.

2023 Week One

I have to say it was a pretty good week. We only had two appointments between the two of us compared to last week when I seemed to be constantly on the run. I cleaned and packed up the Christmas ornaments and decorations. On a more fun note, I had a delicious lunch with two friends on Friday.

I spent several hours on my Merwin/Merwinsville book. I did a little editing--not much new writing. I read through some handouts I'd received from the hotel and a pamphlet that listed railroad related attractions in the Eastern United States. 

The most important thing is that I'm more focused on Merwin. I have much more research to do, but I need to do some writing, even if I later decide to toss it. The next topic I'm going to write about is rail travel in the 1800s.

In a Merwinsville Mood

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my time, my priorities, and my goals. I'm disappointed in my 2022 accomplishments or lack thereof. 

I did some journaling on Monday and decided I needed to write something about the Merwinsville Hotel and chose how Jeff and I first found the hotel. I had already written about it for my summer 2021 writing class.

When I reread it, I remembered what Bette said about editing and polishing.  Today I spent some time editing the 2021 story. I also looked through photos and brochures of the hotel. I'm comparing our discovery with George Hasse's of the hotel. Hasse was integral in the renovation efforts. 

Even though I didn't actually get to writing any new material, I feel like I've made progress and have a bit of a focus. 

I even wore one of my Merwinsville t-shirts. 

Searching for Sylvanus: Third in a Series

I was recently berating myself for not working on my research into Sylvanus Merwin recently. I picked up a book on New Milford and skimmed through it. I had previously read the chapter on the Merwinsville Hotel. It gave me some background but wasn't very helpful. I worked on my bibliography so far, looked through some articles I had saved on my computer. I have 12 sources listed and more to add. 

I am also using a newspaper search site to find articles from the 1840's through the 1890's. I found 17 articles so far. I haven't found anything earthshaking, but I have found some good background information. I've got to keep searching.

Back to Merwinsville

One of the things I was too busy to do last weekend was to go to the Spring Arts Show at the Merwinsville Hotel, so Jeff and I went on Friday. We looked at jewelry, paintings, photographs, pottery, and glassware. I bought two blank cards--one with a photo of a red shouldered hawk, another with a photo of a snowy egret. I also bought a mini painting of a black bird with red wings. 

In the non-art category, I bought Rail USA Museums & Trips Eastern States. This is an illustrated map and guide to rail-related museums, depots, historic sites, etc. I don't remember seeing it before and figured I'd regret it if I didn't buy it. I'm trying to immerse myself in railroad lore of the 1840s.

We had lunch at The Old Oak Tavern. We ate sandwiches at the bar and talked with the bartender and another patron about beer and dogs.

Georgeanne, one of the hotel volunteers, had asked if I had seen Merwin's grave. I hadn't, but had noticed Gaylord Road on our way to the hotel. After lunch, we drove by The Little Red Schoolhouse, and stopped at the Gaylordsville Cemetery. I found the gravesite (this photo is better than the ones I took.) We ended up taking a detour--a bridge was out--and found ourselves near White Silo Winery. We may have stopped there, but we still have a few bottles of wine from our last visit. 

It's always good for me to go to Merwinsville. I have to get back to my research and actually start writing the book. 

Off-Kilter

That's the way I felt all week. It started when I woke up on Sunday with a sore back. I was especially bummed because I woke up the previous Sunday with a sore neck. I hope this isn't a harbinger for the rest of 2022. 

The highlight of my week was my Monday writing class. Then the days blurred together. I was down on Thursday: discouraged, disgusted with myself for wasting away the day, feeling sorry for myself. 

I'm participating in Laura Vanderkam's Time Tracking challenge this week. I've done this several times before, but for some reason this week has been very difficult. I forgot to track from Monday at lunch through late Tuesday morning, then forgot again a few hours later. I'm still not sure what I did Monday afternoon between 3:30 and 5:15. Luckily, time tracking doesn't have to be perfect. I'll probably continue to track my time next week as well.

I felt much better about myself today. I rewrote some Merwinsville research notes last night to have them more accessible. This morning I got up and made soup (butternut squash, pumpkin, carrot, and apple.) After I took Lola to the vet, we went for a walk at Oyster Shell Park. It was a surprisingly nice walk; we avoided strong winds by going during the late morning. I was reminded how it's good to get outside for sun every day. Thanks Lola. I wouldn't have done it without you. Here she is in her sweater dress.

Bonus: I saw swans. As I watched them, the Bill Withers song  "Just the Two of Us" was going through my head.

After lunch, I ran an errand and then went to the library. I had wanted to get Kindred by Octavia Butler, but the library didn't have it. I browsed through the books for sale and the stacks. That was fun; I hadn't been able to do that in a few years. I ended up borrowing two books: Dragonwyck by Anya Seton and The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah. I selected Dragonwyck because I enjoyed the film. The Four Winds is another book on my to be read list. 

I took my books into The Blue Teapot Cafe and Bakery in the library. I had a European hot chocolate as I read the first chapter of Dragonwyck. It was a nice treat for myself. 

The Christmas Shoppe at the Merwinsville Hotel

Today Jeff, Cynthia, and I visited the Christmas Shoppe at the Merwinsville Hotel. On our way there, I gave Cynthia a summary of the hotel's history and how Jeff and I first found it. Oddly, the way I remember first approaching the motel just doesn't make sense. My memory is faulty.

One volunteer Georganne decorated beautifully including a village with a railroad, nutcrackers, and amusement park ride models from her own collection. One of the bedrooms is decorated with a Hanukkah theme.

Items for sale included jewelry, paintings, pottery, glassware, ornaments, and shrubs. We liked that many items were reasonably priced. We bought ornaments, wooden gift tags, t-shirts, jam, honey, wine glasses, and a zip pull. 

It was a nice day for a drive, although coming home in the dark made it feel much later than it was. We got home a little before 5, and it was fully dark by then. Tis the season.